+Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention botox and no-one raises an eyebrow.
+Two years ago, my Doctor told me I was going deaf, I have not heard from him since.
+My landlord says he needs to talk to me about my heating bill is always so high. I told him my door is always open.
+Just got hospitalized due to a peek-a-boo accident with my kid, they put me in the ICU.
+Which celebrity is always ready for cereal? Reese, with her spoon.
+I went to McDonald's and ordered two large fries. Instead they gave me about 75 tiny ones.
+I ran out of toilet paper so I've been using old newspapers. Yeah, The Times are rough.
+I called work this morning and whispered "sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a weak cough." He exclaimed you have a week koff? I said "really, thanks boss, see you next week."
+My wife said to me "why don't you treat me the way you did when we were dating?" So I took her to a movie and then dropped her off at her parents house.